HE IS MY SONG ... The Story Behind the Music
Someone recently asked me ... "How old were you when you first began listening to music?" It stopped me in my tracks as I suddenly realised ... "I can't ever remember music not being a part of my life in one form or another. Music has just always been there from the time I can remember ... almost as if it were mysteriously woven into my DNA somehow ... right from the very beginning. Does that sound crazy? I hear myself say it, and question ... "L-RD, does that sound crazy??" and yet ... that is the reality of how I felt when I was faced with the question ... and it caused me to think a bit more about music and worship, but in a slightly different way than perhaps I have done in times gone past.
So ... what is the story behind the music in my life?
What part has it played? Where has it taken me? What are my thoughts on music and worship now as a believer compared to before I was walking closely with Yeshua Ha Mashiach?
Shall we take some time to sit awhile?
Would you like to hear part of my story? A tiny piece of my heart? If the answer is "yes" then I extend to you a very warm welcome ... and with great anticipation, I say ...
"Come see ..."
my heart bursting that you would see just a little something of the man who told me all things I ever did ..."
So ... Step inside and come with me ... I open my heart and draw from the well ... vulnerable to let you see ... just a little glimpse if I so dare ... of pure and simply ...
ME!
So ... what is the story behind the music in my life?
What part has it played? Where has it taken me? What are my thoughts on music and worship now as a believer compared to before I was walking closely with Yeshua Ha Mashiach?
Shall we take some time to sit awhile?
Would you like to hear part of my story? A tiny piece of my heart? If the answer is "yes" then I extend to you a very warm welcome ... and with great anticipation, I say ...
"Come see ..."
my heart bursting that you would see just a little something of the man who told me all things I ever did ..."
So ... Step inside and come with me ... I open my heart and draw from the well ... vulnerable to let you see ... just a little glimpse if I so dare ... of pure and simply ...
ME!
In the very early years, there was always music around the place. From what I can remember, instruments were a part of everyday living ... 'Gramps' played the violin - although he called it the fiddle because he liked blue-grass music. 'Nan' hated the blue grass and enjoyed more melancholy tunes from the likes of Connie Francis and Loretta Lynn. One of my uncles was always trying out new instruments from school; when he would bring them home, I could never resist trying to play them. He wouldn't often let me, but on the odd occasion I was allowed ... I remember trying everything from the guitar, to the saxophone to the drums ... and later as a young school girl trying to play the flute, and taking some organ lessons. Those who played in the family were self-taught and many a weekend would see Gramps' friends coming to gather round to play. Even when there were no instruments playing ... I remember record players seemed to be on a constant spin very much in tune with the sound of fresh coffee constantly being brewed. Whenever there were parties or family gatherings, there was ALWAYS music and dancing ... I began dancing at the age of 3 until I was 18 ... so I guess I could say that life just wouldn't be the same if there was no song or dance ... even today.
The thing is ... as I look back honestly at that time, I can see that music was always the one channel for which I could safely express myself. What was in my heart seemed to be drawn out by music and song ... as I got older, dancing also became a channel through which to express myself in ways that I was not able to because of various circumstances. My expression through music and song always remained, but I can also see now that it was not always in the way HaShem intended for it to be expressed.
By the time I heard the L-RD very clearly call to me in 1994, I was singing in the pubs and clubs around the northeast of England and a few places further south. I had spent quite a number of years longing to "make it" in the music business and I thought I would be on my way through working one of the toughest areas of England - according to a few professional opinions. When the L-RD stepped into my life, I was very naïve and didn't have a clue about Kingdom Life or what it looked like ... so basically all that I knew just seemed to transfer itself from one kingdom to the other. I was "spotted" in church and although I didn't become a "circuit singer" as such amongst many churches, it was not uncommon for me to take to the stage in our church at that time or to make guest appearances in others where I would sing and share my testimony, etc. What I would not realise for quite some time ... even many years down the road ... was this truth:
Underneath the "confident young woman" with the booming voice was simply a terrified little girl with a broken heart! So desperate was my heart to be heard, to be seen, to be validated as a human being ... to be known ... TO BE LOVED!!! that I fell for the lie that the stage and the lights and all the performance presented to me ... like the whisper of the serpent in my ear saying, "it is good..." BUT ... not everything that appears to be good is G-D! Appearances can be very deceptive! I fell a great height from my own grand delusion that came directly out of the great and gaping wounds of my heart! Does any of that sound familiar? Who was it that wanted to be great - greater than G-D Himself? Who was it that was supposed to be leader of music and song in heaven before he fell a great height? I am not proud of where I have been over the years or of some of the things I have done in the past in attempt to find love ... in many wrong ways and in many wrong places ... it has been a very painful journey for many different reasons ...
But through the years, He has been gently working with me ... woo-ing my heart and gradually earning my trust little by little until He was suddenly bringing me to a place where I was bursting forth like a woman in labour - ready and willing for Him to put all the pieces of my life back together again ... HIS way, and not mine! And in ways that no man could ever possibly attempt to achieve ... although I must say that I am SO very thankful for those He has chosen to help me along in the journey. If we will allow Him, we may often find that we are His hands and feet in a sense that are much needed to help lift others up out of the pit in which they sometimes find themselves.
SO ... where is He leading me in all this? This is what I think I am trying to convey ... that which I am trying to draw out of this feeble heart of mine ... this heart that has been rescued profoundly ... touched deeply ... moved miraculously ... changed irrevocably ... !!! And I have to confess ... He has used the most bizarre and unusual pieces of music at times in my journey in order to draw from me those things He has been wanting to bring to the surface of my life ... like poison being drawn from a wound - it has to come out first before true and lasting healing can begin ...
He is the GREAT Physician!
But ... let me conclude with these thoughts ...
If the AlephBet is found in the very beginning ... and if the Hebrew language is the language of HaShem ... then surely the "sound of His music" must be different to so much of what we hear expressed today. I believe music is an expression of the heart - the heart being its filter ... ultimately was it not created to be an expression of TRUTH as we worship our G-D, our creator. If the heart is true and pure toward HaShem, then surely ... will it not be reflected in its expressions of worship toward Him, including the songs we sing to Him ... What was it Yeshua said to the woman at the well?
"But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him."
To me ... worship is SO much more than a song! WORSHIP IS A LIFESTYLE ... It is the act of loving obedience to YHVH which is expressed through EVERY area of our lives as we seek His Truth for living in righteousness and holiness as He calls us to BE and DO. Music and song is just one expression ... and it can come in various ways, of course ... but there are also boundaries that have been in place since the time of Moshe ... those same boundaries in which Yeshua Himself lived and expressed His Kingdom to all those who would hear ...
Sh'ma O Israel!
In finishing, now might be the perfect time to explain the difference between the songs found on my "Expressions" page compared to those found within the blog I write. "Expressions" is very much my heart and its personal expression of the love and adoration I have for my G-D ... my Abba Father; some are original expressions that He has given to me. And the blog songs? How does one explain with words ... they are somehow different in the way that I often feel they are being used as a visual aid to help tell the story I am trying to convey with words ... almost like painting a picture with a melody and song to help bring the words on the screen to life. I often don't know where the writing is going until I sit at the keyboard, and it is there also that He seems to lead me to songs that thread together with the writing for that day ... I hope that makes sense, as that is the best way I can describe it ... ; )
So ... what is the story behind the music for me?
In a nutshell ...
The story behind the music ... the story behind the song ... pure and simply ... Yeshua HaMashiach ...
HE is my story ... HE is my song!
By the time I heard the L-RD very clearly call to me in 1994, I was singing in the pubs and clubs around the northeast of England and a few places further south. I had spent quite a number of years longing to "make it" in the music business and I thought I would be on my way through working one of the toughest areas of England - according to a few professional opinions. When the L-RD stepped into my life, I was very naïve and didn't have a clue about Kingdom Life or what it looked like ... so basically all that I knew just seemed to transfer itself from one kingdom to the other. I was "spotted" in church and although I didn't become a "circuit singer" as such amongst many churches, it was not uncommon for me to take to the stage in our church at that time or to make guest appearances in others where I would sing and share my testimony, etc. What I would not realise for quite some time ... even many years down the road ... was this truth:
Underneath the "confident young woman" with the booming voice was simply a terrified little girl with a broken heart! So desperate was my heart to be heard, to be seen, to be validated as a human being ... to be known ... TO BE LOVED!!! that I fell for the lie that the stage and the lights and all the performance presented to me ... like the whisper of the serpent in my ear saying, "it is good..." BUT ... not everything that appears to be good is G-D! Appearances can be very deceptive! I fell a great height from my own grand delusion that came directly out of the great and gaping wounds of my heart! Does any of that sound familiar? Who was it that wanted to be great - greater than G-D Himself? Who was it that was supposed to be leader of music and song in heaven before he fell a great height? I am not proud of where I have been over the years or of some of the things I have done in the past in attempt to find love ... in many wrong ways and in many wrong places ... it has been a very painful journey for many different reasons ...
But through the years, He has been gently working with me ... woo-ing my heart and gradually earning my trust little by little until He was suddenly bringing me to a place where I was bursting forth like a woman in labour - ready and willing for Him to put all the pieces of my life back together again ... HIS way, and not mine! And in ways that no man could ever possibly attempt to achieve ... although I must say that I am SO very thankful for those He has chosen to help me along in the journey. If we will allow Him, we may often find that we are His hands and feet in a sense that are much needed to help lift others up out of the pit in which they sometimes find themselves.
SO ... where is He leading me in all this? This is what I think I am trying to convey ... that which I am trying to draw out of this feeble heart of mine ... this heart that has been rescued profoundly ... touched deeply ... moved miraculously ... changed irrevocably ... !!! And I have to confess ... He has used the most bizarre and unusual pieces of music at times in my journey in order to draw from me those things He has been wanting to bring to the surface of my life ... like poison being drawn from a wound - it has to come out first before true and lasting healing can begin ...
He is the GREAT Physician!
But ... let me conclude with these thoughts ...
If the AlephBet is found in the very beginning ... and if the Hebrew language is the language of HaShem ... then surely the "sound of His music" must be different to so much of what we hear expressed today. I believe music is an expression of the heart - the heart being its filter ... ultimately was it not created to be an expression of TRUTH as we worship our G-D, our creator. If the heart is true and pure toward HaShem, then surely ... will it not be reflected in its expressions of worship toward Him, including the songs we sing to Him ... What was it Yeshua said to the woman at the well?
"But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him."
To me ... worship is SO much more than a song! WORSHIP IS A LIFESTYLE ... It is the act of loving obedience to YHVH which is expressed through EVERY area of our lives as we seek His Truth for living in righteousness and holiness as He calls us to BE and DO. Music and song is just one expression ... and it can come in various ways, of course ... but there are also boundaries that have been in place since the time of Moshe ... those same boundaries in which Yeshua Himself lived and expressed His Kingdom to all those who would hear ...
Sh'ma O Israel!
In finishing, now might be the perfect time to explain the difference between the songs found on my "Expressions" page compared to those found within the blog I write. "Expressions" is very much my heart and its personal expression of the love and adoration I have for my G-D ... my Abba Father; some are original expressions that He has given to me. And the blog songs? How does one explain with words ... they are somehow different in the way that I often feel they are being used as a visual aid to help tell the story I am trying to convey with words ... almost like painting a picture with a melody and song to help bring the words on the screen to life. I often don't know where the writing is going until I sit at the keyboard, and it is there also that He seems to lead me to songs that thread together with the writing for that day ... I hope that makes sense, as that is the best way I can describe it ... ; )
So ... what is the story behind the music for me?
In a nutshell ...
The story behind the music ... the story behind the song ... pure and simply ... Yeshua HaMashiach ...
HE is my story ... HE is my song!
